Lessons from the Pit...

my "love pit" that is. He continues hands down to be the most energy sapping student I've ever had (I'd like to hope that i will ever have but i know that would be wishful thinking).

If I received a dollar for every time he argued with me or threw a fit about something, I would be able to stop teaching and start a non-profit organization (I might call it "Coalition Against Arguing Children). Or maybe I would be less altruistic and buy fun things .But either way...

However much this child amazes me with the new levels of "ridiculousness" he achieves, one thing is for sure: God is making good on His promise to work all things good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I have learned more about God's character, grace, and love for me through this one child than I have through any other child in the past 7 years.

Yesterday we were talking and he was mad at me about something. He said something like "If I were the teacher, I would be nice." Instead of getting mad and wanting to foolishly defend myself to a very unreasonable 6 year old, I felt the Spirit calm me and what came out of my mouth  was something like "Well sometimes good teachers need to say 'no' and have rules." The bottom line with him is this: He doesn't think I have the best in mind for him. He thinks I want to keep good things from him. Even after 8 months of  being (sometimes patient) with him, he still thinks I am against him.

Here's the realization that came to me this week (rather the Spirit brought to me) as i was getting ready for school one morning. I was talking with Bob about our recent small group study at church on Romans 12 (with Chip Ingram...I highly recommend it!) and discussing what I'd concluded about surrendering to God. We can try to keep so many parts of our lives from Him...and we think we're helping ourselves. "You can take this...but not this. I want the control here because I know best God. It's not like you created the world or planned salvation or anything like that." What feels like loss and letting go feels like death to us when really it's LIFE at it's fullest. I've been trying to argue with God about what is best (maybe not argue...just having a lot of thoughts float around in my head, asking a lot of hard questions, and saying things like "But I don't see how this can't be part of your plan for me right now".  Please don't get me wrong, I'm all about processing things with God and having doubts and know He's big enough for that, however it seems to have become a theme lately and I'm sure how good that is. Job 38 is the ultimate "put you in your place" passage for sure.)

I really think the root of it is this: I don't think he has the best in mind for me. I keep thinking he wants to keep his best from me. When nothing could be farther from the truth.  Even after 18 years of walking with the Lord, I still doubt His love for me. I still doubt that he's the most loving parent there ever was. I still forget the paradox that not always getting what you want is often the most loving thing.  I still am very near sighted as far as my spiritual vision is concerned. I barely look past my own life. Nobody wants better for me than Him.

BAM! "Maybe you and the love pit have more in common than you think."   Yikes, Lord!


" ¹ Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. " (Romans 12:1)

I don't offer my life as a sacrifice and surrender to him to repay him for what he's done...I do it "in view of God's mercy"...it's my response to His goodness and what he's done.

And the really funny thing about it is that He knows I'm not going to get it right and I know I'm not always going to get it right. (this is another way of His grace I know) But surrendering the things that I think are best is the only way I'm going to know Him fully and have the kind of Kingdom life that He promises.

"Sometimes a good God needs to say no and give you something better instead."

So I will just do what I remember doing when I was little after crying myself silly about something (most likely not getting my way about something)....after the hiccups leave, just get up, heave a sigh, and say "Okay, okay." 

Eventually, my love pit did what I asked (I often say to him "Can you do it---follow directions--even though it's hard?") I don't know if he finally "saw the light" and understood I really was on his side and wanted the best for him  (I highly doubt this) or if he just knew that was the quickest way to move on with his day. But I do know that God is using this precious little guy to teach me in a practical way how this sometimes whiny, "all knowing" Child of His is so in need of Him. And to get up once again, heave a sigh, and say "Okay, okay. You get the big picture and I don't. You love me beyond what I will ever understand and you make good on your promises. I can trust You (even when it's hard.)"