I will have a photo update...soon. (I've been somewhat hesitant and putting off posting as all of my pictures seem to feature food we've eaten and nothing else. :)
But I had some thoughts i needed to get down before the whirl and swirl of my life swept them away.
So I have this student. (you know when I start a paragraph off that way, it's not going to be good). He requires more patience than I have, more compassion and understanding than I could only dream to possess, and more love than I could ever have to offer. If I'm relying on myself. Megan and her flesh. If I allow Jesus to live himself through me, he will supply more patience than I know what to do with, more compassion and understanding than I could ever fathom, and so much love that it overflows right out of my cup. The thing about this student is that at just the moment I want to "throw in the towel" and write him off, he says or does the most heart warming things. It's like Jesus is saying to me "Don't give up on him. See this glimpse of hope?"
I refer to this student as my "love pit." No matter how much I pour into him, he still needs more. He needs boundaries. He needs an adult who cares enough to not tolerate his behavior. He needs an adult to keep pouring into him, even when he doesn't deserve it. I found a quote last week "Children need love even when they don't deserve." (Harold Hulbert) And this sounds like something Jesus would have said (or at least heartily agreed with).
Love can take many forms. It's not always doing what makes someone happy. Often it can take the form of "tough love." I know...we roll ours eyes at remembering when parents say "I'm only doing this because I love you." But I'm realizing when shepherding a classroom of 20 five and six year olds (the smallest class size I've ever had might I add) how true this really is. If you're around me for very long at school, you'll hear me say "I love you, but that's not okay." And the reason I say this is I feel it's the perfect balance between love of the student, but disapproval of the behavior. Separating one from the other.
Then I think about how I was at one time that "love pit." Jesus loves me enough to keep pouring into me. Even when I "don't get it." Jesus says to me "I love you...but that's not okay." I remember a Max Lucado book and I think the subtitle was something like "He loves you the way you are but loves you too much to let you stay the same." Thank you Lord for pouring into me...the bottomless pit that I was. And thank you for transforming me to look more like you everyday. Thank you for chipping away at my "rough edges," my habits that do not glorify you, my thoughts that honor and glorify myself, and my "flesh patterns" (sin habits) that I rely on at times.
Who is your "love pit?" Keep loving them with the love of Jesus. Not the love that you possess. But the Love that is powerful and transforming. Amen and amen.
endless gifts
2 comments:
Oh Megan, I had many a "love pit" in my teaching career! I remember one little girl in particular who was such a bully, and very unkemp/dirty/smelly, you get the idea. One night God gave me a dream about her. In my dream she was clean, with her hair perfectly fixed, in a clean white dress. She was swinging on a swing, laughing and smiling. God said to me "this is how I see her", and I woke up crying. Jesus loves all of those little guys so much! Thank you for being his hands and feet.
My love pits are a easier to love, on principle, because I raised them, gave birth to them, get to watch them do loads of cute things not confined to a school classroom, and I can watch them sleep at night...when they look entirely innocent. That illusion keeps me going some days. :)
But you are right about needing the Holy Spirit...me too. My love pits are refusing to clean their rooms right now, when we need to leave for a 10 day trip in less than 24 hours. And so what am I doing...sitting on my computer, catching up on other things I have procrastinated, while I procrastinate from packing...which, of course is past the procrastinating deadline at this point, it is more like I'm doing it last minute...that is, if I was doing it.
I think some serious prayer is needed...I might be headed off the deep end if I didn't know I had Someone I could trust.
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