The Places That Used to Fit Me...

My blog address is borrowed from musician Sara Groves' song "Add to the Beauty." It's a song that inspires me and I think is what I'm trying to say with my life-I want to make the world more beautiful in any way I can. It could be folding laundry, baking cookies for someone, and actually creating something pretty.   I read "The Listening Life" by Adam McHugh this summer and he talked about how most of us wake up asking at least one question with our life each day. I want my question to be "How can I love God and others well?" and I do this by making the world more beautiful.

 Sara Groves' music was the soundtrack of my 20s and I still very much enjoy listening to her still today. However, I've strayed a little bit. Her song "Painting Pictures of Egypt" has a line about "The places that used to fit me, cannot hold the things I've learned. Those roads were closed down to me, when my back was turned."
This comes to mind as I'm attempting (once again...the last time was 3 years ago!) to cultivate my writing again. It might just be for me and that's okay. I feel like I should somehow summarize my journey of the last three years in this blog post...to catch up. But I'm thinking that would be overwhelming and unnecessary. I'll just discuss things as they come up. That's more normal anyway. Conversations shouldn't be a checklist.

But it's true...the places that used to fit me, cannot hold the things I've learned.
I could tell the me from 3 years ago... "Hey, guess what?! You finally get to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) in 2017....just hang in there."

I could tell the me from 3 years ago about how I'd have a miscarriage and be very blindsided by it.  I always thought "no news is good news." I replayed over and over again the visit to the ultrasound room where the kind but weathered technician had to tell me "I'm sorry...there's no heart beat." My world felt shattered for many months.

I could tell the me that last year I was in that same ultrasound room and got to hear my very healthy 32 week old baby's heartbeat. He's now a healthy 13 month old little guy who smiles every chance he gets. I can't imagine my life without that rainbow baby Elias.

I could tell the me about how my oldest Josiah makes me laugh on a daily basis. Today he asked a "friend" (more like a frienemy) at preschool if he knew Jesus. The other little boy said "yes, I Know about him." His teacher asked Josiah "Why did you ask him that?"
Josiah said "Well, he says some not good words-like poop and butt and he throws rocks. I just wanted to make sure he knew Jesus."
When I asked Josiah about the friend today after preschool he said "Well, he said he knows Jesus, mom, so that's not the problem."

Mostly, besides just needing a place to put my thoughts, my sweet Aunt Lisa asked me the other day at her daughter's wedding reception if I'd thought about writing or ministry or something of the like. I told her there were many "mommy bloggers" out there and the world doesn't need another one. She said they're not me and I have wisdom to share.
My husband told me unsolicited that same night that I should start writing again. Just to cultivate it. To find my niche.
Boom.
So here I am.

I haven't arrived, but the new places are starting to fit a little better. This new life is not going to an "outside of the home job" everyday.
I had so many misconceptions of SAHM 's before I started this journey just a few weeks ago. But already the new places, although they feel big and I need to grow into them, I can tell they're going to fit me just fine. I still have so much to learn but thankful for where I am right now.