Grace whispers

So today was not the best of days at school for me. A lot of really little pesky things that my flesh didn't like...just kind of mixed together to make one large batch of "Grumpy Mrs. G." I didn't feel in control about a lot of things. Parents blatantly ignoring my requests.(I don't care what color the icing is on the birthday cupcakes...no cupcakes means please no cupcakes...if you want to supervise 20 five and six year olds with the cupcakes for 20 minutes, armed with wet wipes while I leave the room for a little bit, be my guest. Seriously.) My students have been acting like crazy people...but really, can I blame them when we went to school what seemed hardly any this last month? My "love pit" has now been replaced by an "energy pit." This other student just sucks the life right out of me. One of my students touched another student's "pee pee" during center time.(2 more phone calls I get to make tonight to talk to two sets of parents) Other people's actions that I interpret as inconsiderate...when really, they probably just don't know better. Hardly had time to pee. No plan time today because I had a meeting. But nothing life-altering happened. My words that I often say to others "If that's the worse thing that happens today, it will be a good day" come to haunt me at moments like this. And that's a healthy dose of perspective for you.

But as I was driving home I was thinking about an exchange with one of my students today that made me smile and wince internally all at the same time. It will most likely be on my thankful list next week. I know she doesn't have a lot at home and she's the youngest of 3 sisters. She's the kind of little girl I just want to take home with me...she seems neglected at times. Anyway, she mentioned to me during indoor recess (when I had 40 kids in my room) "Hey Mrs. G, do you have any extra valentines?...I don't think my mom will get me any." I retrieved her a box from my closet (there were at least 30 boxes in there...they were there when I went through the closet 2.5 years ago. I kept them because I figured I would feel badly throwing them out. Anyone else want some? Come and get yours too)  You would have thought I gave her tickets to a Justin Beiber concert. She thanked me no less than 5 times this afternoon and gave me a hug each time. The thing is...she's one of those students whom I love (I say I love all my students but some of them are easier to like than others)...but who  gets under my skin really easily. And I know she's there to chip away at some of those rough edges I have ... impatience, pride, need for control...you name it, I probably have a need  to get rid of it. I know it sounds so ugly, but she can really annoy me at times even though she's extremely precious. And I hate admitting that. But it's true and I try to be truthful on here. I'm sure you've figured out why this entire exchange made me smile...maybe you're starting to see why it made me wince too. She loves me with such loving abandon...and I get annoyed that I have to tell her 5 times in 20 minutes to sit "criss cross applesauce" so others can see behind her. She loves me with no strings attached...and I get annoyed that she's off task once again. I guess she was rubbing off another one of those rough edges I have...thank you Jesus for putting that sweet little girl in my class. I'm sorry for being so "me" focused. I get so impatient with this whole "transformation process" thing.  I just want to snap my fingers and be Christ-like yesterday. I get weary from this nagging humanity. But then I hear a whisper...it's Grace I know. That His love for me is not dependent on my actions. And that it takes time to change from building "my kingdom" to building "His kingdom." And His Holy Spirit resides in me to take note of when change or action in needed.

"...being strengthened by all power, according to His glorious might, so that you may have great patience and endurance, giving thanks joyfully to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance with his holy people in the kingdom of light." Colossians 1:11-12 (my verses I'm memorizing this week...the plan is to memorize the book this year...never say never)

So thank you Jesus for whispering Grace to me when I needed it.  I guess that's the beauty of memorizing His Word...it comes to mind or becomes almost natural after while (not that walking in the Light is ever really natural).